ballymack342

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In September I committed genocide... Sorry about that, mikoumi (-5000 points). Last Sunday I stole kekitten489's purse (-30 points). Last week I broke crackerjackskid's X-Box (-12 points). In August I farted in an elevator (-6 points). In July I signed my organ donor card (28 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-5020 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal! Sincerely, ballymack342

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I comitted genocied HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Dumb Canadians.

Being unforgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

I weep for the men who dont understand how to show love you must first let go of pride.
I weep more for the people who have to live with them...

You know what I think? It think life is worth living.

IM IN LIVE NANANANANANANAN IM A BELIEVER. yea you get the drift.

Today was the best game ever. We were rocking and jammin like a black man. And mason was nice... Rachel brought me home and.... I had her phone in my pocket and called her dad on that phone and told him. he was mad. but any ways she came and got it and I didnt know her mom was in the car so... yea it sucked. Just like love. but it is really fun riding home with rachel. It really is.

DEATH APROACHES I.E. Rita. Out baby!!!!

Yesterday was a day of learning. It seemed like everyone at school was against me. And at the game everyone in the drumline got a fold cup except for me. I am a base and I was forgotten. Nobody seemed to like me at all. It sounds like I am whining doesent it? I now understand what people feel when girls dont except your complements. I looked at Morgan and she was beautiful, I mean I say beauty. I looked at her and I said you are very pretty. And she said "really? Thanks but I know I am not." And I got angry. Can you believe it I got angry? And Mrs. Autry told her that you accept complements, especially when they are sincere. But it was a fun night. I sat next to cassie. She was very nice to me. I saw it as unusual.

I want someone to hold and protect. I want someone who I love and loves me back. I need someone, or want someone. Rachel said in jest to me that it is never gonna happen with Rosalea, and I know...
I will be back and finish later.

Vela is giving me more and more reason to not like him..........

Anyways, its over with Rosalea. I realized it isnt worth it anymore. It seems like pain is the only outcome here.

Oh your brown eyes were hypnotic tonight. Your black hair was beautiful like your tone. Screw the poem. You are the best person ever. And its all in your eyes, to say I dont look at you in a perverted way. Holy crap you are beautiful. I dont think it will work because you are of mexican heritage and I am caucasion. God you are amazing. The funny thing is that you are the one that made me realize that not cursing is a really good thing. I find my self trying to impress you, and it just makes the pull stronger. I AM IN LOVE AND YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT AND I THANK ONLY THE LORD!!!!

Just got back from the band party, it was fun. I wrestled Jordan and even thought he is 245 and I am 215, I pinned him 6 times and he pinned me once. It was fun, I played Halo 2 for a while till it was dark and I suck at it.

Today I was thinking, what if people were'nt worried about what others thought and just did what their conscience told them? I anxieties were cast to the wind would personalities change? If everybody was the wright weight, would they be different? If Beauty was'nt so subjective, would there be beauty at all? Yet beauty is the most subjective thing there is. What I see as beauty is what another sees as average or not at all. I dont understand why people are so misunderstood. We all live and we all die, DOES THIS NOT MAKE US EQUAL???? Must others always say NO I'M WRIGHT YOU ARE WRONG SO SCREW YOU? Why must they be so closed minded and unhumble? I do not understand what it is that makes others so much higher than others? I enjoy having my beliefs challenged, but not changed. People need to live their lives and love all others. The most certain thing is life is death, the most uncertain thing in life is a seat in heaven, next to Jesus. I love is all we truely have, then we need to use it to help and heal. There is power in a touch of love and care. There is such thing as compassion. We all need a little bit of love to help us along. Affection is the greatest uplifter of all, and caring is like a hand to help us up. Love is a great thing that we all seek and thrive for. Finding it is the hard part. What they say is true, it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Untill youve tried it. Bitterness is the worst thing to have, even worse than anger. Bitterness will destroy all of those around you, even the ones you love. I didnt believe it, I didnt understand how if I directed toward one person how could it affect others? It just keeps growing and it sprouts every everywhere and you cannot control it at all. Each breath is a gift from above, and life is the greatest gift of all. Dont let life pass you by. Make a move, dont wait like me, it takes too long of a time and hurts more then anything else.

Cry when you feel like it, weather it be pain or joy. Cry, let the river flow. THROW AWAY ALL PRIDE, BECAUSE IT IS'NT WORTH MUCH WHEN YOU ARE DEAD. What is pride? When you are too weak to give in and too strong to loose. Let it go, It will pull you farther away from happiness than anything else. Learn to trust and learn to forgive. Look at more than a face to find beauty, and scan for more than a good body to look for an eye catcher. There is more beauty in the sky than the color. There is more to a storm than distruction. And there is more to life than being at the top. Let your mind wonder and think of that which you do not know. Always ask, Why is it doing this? What caused it to do this? What triggered this to happen? and What is it that it is hoping to accomplish by doing this? Dualities balance everything and make it all flow. Distruction makes way for creation, and order heeds to chaos.

I love everyone and hate none. I just wish everyone would give me a chance and get to know me. I wish everyone would give others a chance and learn to love...even if it seem like it will hurt in the end.

I CANT DO IT ANY MORE!!!! THE SIN IS TEARING ME DOWN!!!!! I KEEP GIVING IN!!! I AM A FAILURE, IT SEEMS DEATH IS THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE!!!! NO, DEATH NEED NOT BE THE FINAL HOPE!!! I NEED TO, WANT TO HAVE TO STOP THIS WRONG!!!! THE POWER, THE STRENGTH, THE FREEDOM, RUINED!!! I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!!

I looked back on my past entries and I realized, I WAS FREAKIN LOONEY!!

Every penny in a well
Every broken wish bone,
Every 11:11 on a clock,
Every crossed finger,
Every turn of a necklace pendant,
Every star in the sky,
Every blown out candle,
They all have 1 thing in common..
I wished on all of them that I would soon have you back.

IS Caring and love the same thing?
If someone cares about you shurly they love.
If someone loves you, They have to care.
Can you care without loving?
Is it possible to love without careing?


Is not telling a person what they need to hear most, a lie? I see it only as torture. Can the soul be tortured? Is the soul the mind?

Whoever reads this, please reply.

I am now in Vegas nearing toward the one week point. This is so cool being out here, it is alot like Waco except not as green. It is scary with all of the fires around us, now there are 15 of them. But we justfinished cleaning the chick coop. We are going to kill the rooster tonight, I think, because he spured dad and he is really mad about it.

I really miss the youth group and I wish I could see them. I wonder if taylor has blown his hand off yet. but its nice seeing my father. tomorrow we are taking my grand mother to the doctor.

Poor Billy stuck at home all alone since mom is in Tennesee for 10 days.

2 chicks have died since I came here. dad is expecting me to clean up, and make my bed, which I am more than happy to do. Its nice not being yelled at every day.

I have my under 18 identification card now.

The old 30-30 that belonged to billy's father came today. Its really banged up because of john. Yea it suck because it is a really good old gun with c\scratches all over it.

Had nothing to do today because we were at the dentist for 4 hours because mom got a crown laid. Yea I was stuck in the waiting room with this girl who wouldent quit staring at me. I looked at her and she said hi. I said hey back, in other words, "BACK OFF!" Just for the record, she was cute. And she was reading Plato's Republic, she would have been perfect for me, but I have my mind on someone else, I hate myself!

Me and Billy cleaned all of the guns tonight with the new cleaning kit. He tried to get me slugs for the shot gun but the idiot in sporting good didnt know anything. We also got ammunition for the 30-30, it has a really cool clip on it.

I NEED SOMETHING TO DO TOMORROW. I am gonna go to the library and hang out with Clara, she volunteered for the summer. I think she likes me. And I like her sister, ha sucks for me.

HOW do you marquee? Somebody tell me, please.

Ok I am in Monterrey right now and I am at Oscar´s house becaus this is where I am staying along with Arswhil
(pronounced r-Well). These past few days we have been passing out tracks and begging for money. And an extensive bible study. And awesome COMEDA (food). P.S. Jalapenos hurt when you go to the bathroom. We also went to see the biggest flag in the world. Then the day we begged for money we went to see this girl who was hit by a bus in the hospital. We have met some verry pretty girls and they are all very nice, except for Mira. It rules out here.

I am going to Mexico. Be back in a week.

Ok, tomorow we have our Beef Cattle test and our Vocab test and our Math test, and I dont know squat!!
I found out I could bench 250 yesterday not 275 as I thought I would be able to do. But I now weigh 210, so I am doing good.

Well, tonight Liz wants to go to a movie, but I dont have to because I have homework, so point for me.

I was thinking again, fate is the potentially bad and good things that we encounter through life. But we have a choice to make it a product of good or bad. Like a burgler robbing your house with you watching. You have the choice to get the gun and blow him away, or sit back and let him have control. But using your brain in the process would help too. I also thought of what love was and here is what I concluded:

Love is the involuntary care, or affection that one feels for an individual.

"I felt towards her what I felt for you, and the worst part is, I dont think she feels it."
I dont know what to do! I cant stop thinking!